The Whole Wide World

It’s July 4th! Gawd Bless ‘Murica. We had our big cookout and party over the weekend and today we had a parade. It lasted all of five minutes, which is the standard time year after year. It’s -25F without the wind chill. If the vehicles had not been so spread out it quite possibly could have been completed in two minutes.

The fire department took up half of it, with an ambulance and firetruck, lights on, but no sirens or horns-per the Antarctic Treaty. The janitors walked it with brooms while sweeping. There was also; a snowmobile, the station manager dressed as Uncle Sam, the power and water plant decorated a truck and towed a guy on a toilet, and our Search & Rescue squad on fat tired bikes. It was fun…and cold, go figure. I put a video up on Insta from the party from the weekend. Check it out to see all the fun games we played.

I spent a lot of the day thinking about the Ram Dass documentary from last night and where I am spiritually. I check in often with a close friend back in the States who is a sober mentor to me…and just a great friend. We spoke earlier today and I told him that I wasn’t beating myself up anymore over the slip last week. In his reply, he reminded me that pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth and to feel it, learn from it, and move on. No wallowing in it. Hopefully the humility that comes from it is what we need to crush our egos and allow us to learn and grow into better human beings. And that’s exactly where I am. Learning from it.

It might sound convoluted, but I am grateful for the slip. Of course, I am even more grateful that I jumped out of the ick and back into recovery before it became more complicated. I know that I am lucky for that. The slip reminded me that I don’t want that life. I was so wrapped up in my head about wanting to be liked. I built this narrative in my head, and I listened to it. I was in a trance, hypnotized by the belief that I was not enough. There is so much more to it that I can’t articulate, but that the documentary helped me see. It was some kind of timing watching that and not knowing what I was putting on. A little wink from the Universe.